A levels are driving me nuts.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what I wanna do in the future. I'm eighteen and no longer a child - I can't expect my parents to be there for me all the time. And that's what's gotten me so, for lack of a better word, confused. I wanna be able to live comfortably and happily, do whatever the hell I want. But I'm not confident of doing that without going through this stupid education system. I don't wanna be like the rest in society and join the rat race to reach the top. Procrastinating, yeah I guess that's what it's called at this point of time.

Midyears are in two weeks and I can't bring myself down to study, even now. He did influence me in bits and pieces, in more good ways than bad. Ever since he came into the picture, I've seen so many things. Live to be happy and not happy to be living. That's probably the biggest takeaway so far. I hate society for imposing stupid standards on people. Dad and mum always think that being a "big doctor" or "lawyer" is the end goal for me but no, that isn't what I see as the end goal. Yet, I haven't been able to tell them that. I don't think I ever will..

So many things have happened within a year.

I do feel genuinely happier now though, knowing that there's something to live for. A year ago, I was way more confused about my direction in life, about people, about everything. But now, I'm a little clearer. Yeah, I still ain't sure what career I wanna pursue but at least I know what's most important now - Happiness.

This is probably what they call growing up.


new past