Its eternal sapiness .
Friday, September 4, 2009, ϟ 0 shout(s)
What do you get when you add happiness and sadness ?
Happiness + Sadness = Sapiness .
When you die , you'll get sapiness . Sad for leaving the loved ones behind , happy that your troubles are gone and there's a fresh new start . For me , im just lost . I dont know what i want . Its the seventh month , i dont wanna die . Not now .. At least .
Today had been a crappy day . We live and we learn to take one step at a time , there's no need to rush , its like learning to fly , or falling in love , its gonna happen , supposed to happen that we find a reason why , one step at a time .
This song is in my head , it knows what it wants . A step at a time . God might have arranged for this song to play on my ipod . idk . It makes sense though ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been stressed out in the afternoon tryna figure out the pdp research presentation . Then i was stressing over habbo - what to buy and sell , just like in a business . And at night , i had thought all had come to an end . But no . It was the beginning . I was eating sushi (Still on my 8850 diet program , sushi's healthy , japanese are healthy uh . ) and mum was nagging at the maid about what shit . Seriously , go to the kitchen , im tryna relax with dinner and tv .. After that , it was me . I was assigned with a whole load of crap on what to do during the holidays when they were overseas . Crapass . After dinner , i gave her the camera , because i didn't know how to charge it . It was sort of new . And im a noob . I practically suck at everything . It didnt react when i plugged it into the computer so i assumed that i did it wrongly . Then the torture and pain began .
Mum got me into the room with me in a foul mood because the annoying brother had been screaming at me over the freaking laptop . I was just planning to settle the emcee script for uncle's 21st birthday tomorrow . I had to see it . I hadnt . And , how was i supposed to read it out tomorrow . He was being plain retarded and ridiculous . Worse , mum was indirectly blaming me for the spoilt camera , as she presumed it . Matter of fact , i had tried to shut up and just accept it . When she asked who spoilt , naturally , i'll say idk . Everything she asked , i said idk . I dont wanna say more , she'll say im rebellious . So then what ? I got scolded because some asshole didnt wanna admit he was the one who was most probably the culprit . I mean , the last time i used the camera was because she asked me to . i cant be bothered to if she hadnt . She asked me to upload the pictures in her thumbdrive because her friends wanna see the updated pictures . I did . Then ? She just keeps thinking its me . the most idiotic one . the oldest one . me .
Never did she think amelia . nor ronald . its alicia . all the time .
Being the oldest one sucks . There's no point . You only get good stuffs from time to time . And blaming goes to you too . hah . Funny though . Im trying to change , head to toe , i wanna become beautiful now . They dont support me .. I wanna be nice , im trying not to lose my temper , they make it worse . I dont know what to do . I hid in the toilet . For at least 30mins . Nobody cared . They're all sleeping now . God , please help me again . When i was crying , everything appeared blank , tears kept flowing , more problems appear in my mind . The projects , the stress , the friendship problems , the backupfriendstuff , the fact that my mum blamed me for the camera incident . Everything . What was i supposed to do . I tried to stop , became worse . I slapped myself , i tried to stop breathing . Useless . I tortured myself in the closed up room with four walls , toilet bowl , basin and shower tap . I pulled my hair , it hurt . I thought the pain and mental sadness would end , it got worse ... Now im bleeding on the inside and the outside .. Help me god . I thought you would come . I thought many things . But all those didnt hurt .
It was no surprise that nobody was there . I was expected to be the one who's perfect . How i wished that i dont have that many expectations to meet . Studies , Projects , everything . Im expected to be there . Im absent from school for a day , people scold me and say that im a faker . That i dont do my work . But , its always me ... I dont want such a heavy life .. I need something or someone to help . I admit , the superwoman has died on the inside . She might appear strong outside but no , she isn't . So people out there , if you see the superwoman saying that she doesnt need help and she's ohkay alone , dont trust her . She's not alright . She needs you to be there at times .
Today , the superwoman died . A new superhero shall be born , soon after the this superwoman gets better ...
*想念的心，装满的都是你。*
*我的钢琴，弹奏的都是你。*
*我的日记，写满的都是你的名。*
* 才发现，又另一个黎明。*
♥LittleMissGoodnightandgoodbye .
new past